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The Bomb Shelter:

The Nation's Conscience

 

Well, if you don't know, the Oscars happened last night...(YAY, not!) ...and we got a real taste of disorderly conduct. Really makes you feel like a better person, doesn't it? I mean, if it were me, I wouldn't spend my fifteen minutes of fame making an ass of myself and assuming I know what I'm talking about. Adrien Brody really took advantage of his fifteen minutes--he was literally up there for 15 minutes and just would not shut up. I was about to go down there myself, kick him in the junk, and give the award to Nicholas Cage, who would have said his thank you's and kindly dragged himself out of the spotlight like a class act. But no! We have to listen to Mr. Brody make himself the Nation's Conscience. If it's one thing I hate about liberals, it's closed-mindedness.

You can still send your hate mail to Dante, folks. He'd be glad to answer mine, but don't expect a fond "Thank you for your concern."

Well, of course, Chicago did a little bit of a sweep. Did it deserve it? No way! I mean, why the hell wasn't Two Towers nominated for Best Costume Design? It should have been a shoe-in last year... and it just gets completely ignored this year? You have to be kidding me. Though I was glad it beat out Gangs. Did anyone else notice that the only constumes in that movie were suits and pajamas? Thankfully, Zellwegger didn't steal a golden boy. Not that I much liked the winner, but still, I'm sure she deserved it more than "Roxie". Don't get me wrong, kids. I loved Chicago. It was a great film. It just wasn't Best Picture quality. I can't wait for this musical film fad to die out. Well, at least we can rely on the entertainment business to keep us company with a few competing films made by pedophiles such as Roman Polanski. Have you figured out yet just why Roman is sitting safe and sound outside the U.S., waiting for his Oscar to get mailed to him?

Ok, let's get started.

Basic
Boys and girls, I present to you a good movie. Yes, people, this one will definitely be a must see. John Travolta and a military interrogator trying to get to the bottom of a few good, but missing, men. You got Johnny in one set of scenes, and Sam Jackson in the other. Can't go wrong here folks. Not only are there good actors in this one, it actually looks like it's got a good plot.
Forecast: Smart Popcorn

The Core
Oh, there's one every week, isn't there? There has to be one movie that makes you want to vomit just looking at the ads. A group of sicentists travel inside the Earth(yeah, it is impossible, I'm aware)to save the world. I can't even remember a familiar face save for Hilary Swank. In fact, I wouldn't even see this film for her, an Oscar winning actress. Save your money. The only disaster of this film is how bad the sales are going to be.
Forecast: Dull Seed

Head of State
Ah, it was Boat Trip last week, Head of State this week. Chris Rock is a Presidential candidate, destined to lose... until he takes his fixed campaign into his own hands. Looks like it's going to have a few laughs, and due to the fact that this one isn't making fun of gay people, I'm thinking it's going to do a lot better than Cuba's film.
Forecast: Candy Corn

On The Radar: A Man Apart (April 4th), House of a 1000 Corpses (April 11th), and Bulletproof Monk (April 18th).

Author: The Gnome (Billy Dal Porto) 612 Words Published: 27 March 2003
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