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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

PG-13 150 minutes

Directed by Michael Bay
Written by Ehren Kruger Roberto Orci Alex Kurtzman

 · Shia LaBeouf Megan Fox Isabel Lucas Josh Duhamel Tyrese Gibson Hugo Weaving (voice) Peter Cullen (voice)

Review by Reel American Hero (Mike Keskeys)

Logic is not something that one goes into a Michael Bay movie with, because it is something that Michael Bay himself does not have.  So to go into a Michael Bay movie, based on a series of children's action figures from the 1980's no less and expect anything but mindless robot on robot action, a scantily clad Megan Fox, and overacting from the rest of the cast is pointless.

 Yet still, even without logic, a movie should make sense, and the more I think back on the two and a half hours I spent on 'Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen" the less and less I can honestly say I like about the film.





   Transformers 2, as I'll call it here because the title is too long and I hate it when people use acronyms to shorten long titles.  It's not LOTR: ROTK, STEPIII:ROTS.......dammit.  I digress though this movie picks up two years after the last Transformers movie, and the government has assigned a fairly useless military team to be cannon fodder while the Autobots (including blink and you'll miss them new characters Arcee, Sideswipe, and the Twins...whom I'll get to a bit later on) go what can only be described as a murderous robotic rampage throughout the world as they hunt down and shoot in the face Decepticons (the bad guys in case you forgot). 

  I thought it was hilarious that the heroes of the movie are the ones really causing mass death and destruction as they hunt down their foes.  It's a side I've neer seen of the Transformers before.    And seriously, why was the military there, there's nothing that they can do but provide distraction and cannon fodder for the Autobots.  It made me crack up later on in the theater, when Megatron has a line to the equivalent of 'Why not just trade this one human life for our entire race?' 'And Prime replies 'Because you won't just stop at one'.  Meanwhile in this scene alone the "good guys" are responsible for more death and destruction then the  villains did in all the last movie.  Hilarious.

  I really could rant on this one scene for hours, but I don't have a lot of time, so we'll move on.


    Okay so Sam (Shia Lebouf) is going off to college, and finds a shard of the device that brings the transformers to life (and all inexpeciably evil for some reason intially) as he finds out shortly thereafter in a Gremlins inspired sequence, as newly alive robots destroy the house.   Also as a side effect of his touching the shard, he's got Cybertronian symbols imprinted on his brain. 


      You know what, this is a long movie, and I don't have time to give you the whole plot.  But from here, we have some pretty nifty looking robot fights, some explosions, Megatron comes back to life, Megan Fox looks hot, and some more explosions.    


    It's been said that Michael Bay doesn't make movies, he makes porn for explosion fans.  And after this movie I'm inclined to agree with those that don't like him.  The movie makes no sense, whatsoever.  How this is from the same screenwriters Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman of Star Trek is beyond me.   For starters, the robots we paid to see, Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream and the like are barely in this movie at all.   That's right, in a Transfomers movie, the Transformers are barely in it.   Secondly, the movie makes no sense, how did the Decepticons know which school Sam was going to attend to send agents to spy on him?  When did the Autobots start going Munich all over the Decepticons?    Why the hell are they even in the desert to begin with when Sam had the shard with him the whole time?  Why can't Bumblebee talk since they fixed his voice thing in the last movie?   I could ask questions for hours.  

Now, on the plus hand side, we do get two sets of Constructicons (sort of) Soundwave, and Ravage, so it's not all bad.    But we didn't pay to see them, we wanted to see Optimus and Megatron and the like.  Not gonna happen in this movie. 


   Logic aside the movie was beautifully shot by  Ben Seresin and the special effects are more fully realized this time out, so you can actually see which robot is fighting which, when there's fighting that is.   


  The acting by the whole cast is some of the worst I've seen in quite some time, no one really shines here.  But speaking of acting,well voice acting at least how is it Michael Bay will put Frank Welker (orginal Megatron voice) in the movie as the voice of Soundwave, and 1: won't run Welker's Dr. Claw voice through a synthesizer and give us the right voice and for two won't let him be Megatron dammit.  I kept waiting all this movie for Megatron to say 'Mr. Anders...I mean Witwicky'.   Bad choice for Megatron.  













      Well I know probably what you're thinking,  my kids will like it at least.  They might very well like it, but depending on your sensabilities I would suggest watching the movie yourself first.  There's loads of cursing (which make cartoon Bumblebee's saying 'Sh**'' in the original animated movie seem tame in comparison.   The most graphic robot violence I've ever seen in a movie, and so much sexual innuendo my wife had to ask me what this movie was rated again while we were watching it.    It's a family movie like the Mike Myers 'Cat in the Hat' was a few years back, as in not really a family movie at all.   


   As far as the alleged 'racist' overtones in the characters of The Twins, I can see where some people might be offended, they speak in ebonics, one has a gold tooth, and they say they can't read.  I thought they had some pretty entertaining moments myself, but I can see where one might get offended by the characterization.   If they were toned down a bit they might have been more well recieved..  But again, asking Michael Bay to tone something down is like asking Hollywood to stop making remakes and make original movies.   Just a little too much to ask.  Kind of like asking for a coherent plot. 



  I don't get it, I'm normally in the Michael Bay apologizers section of this debate, but this movie made no sense whatsoever, the acting is straight up garbage,   And overly violent for that matter.  Don't get me wrong, I love my action movies, and I love the ultra violence, but in a Transformers movie, I don't expect to see someone get held down and get a cap to the face.  Even though they're robots, do we really need to get that graphic with this.?  I don't think the upcoming G.I.Joe movie would feature the Joes chasing down a Cobra operative and shooting him in the face, nor will Cobra Commander get his face ripped off.  At least I don't imagine so anyway.   All I'm saying is this movie is souless entertainment, that is decent enough as long as you can just go for the ride, but they went too far for this fan this time.  

1242 Words Published: 6 July 2009

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