Hellboy (2004)

(Reviewer’s note: Thanks, in no small part, to a few frothy lagers ingested yesterday night, I’m in a rather verbose mood, so excuse my occasional flights of fancy.)

By all accounts, Hellboy, the newest comic book adaptation from Mexican monster-meister Guillermo Del Toro, should have been a contender. All the elements of a ripping good yarn are here: a gruff, dry, six-foot-five protagonist with a stone arm and a penchant for one-liners; a spontaneously-combusting love interest; a gas-mask-wearing, 100-year-old Nazi ninja assassin with a gear-mechanism heart and a addiction to self-mutilating surgery (I ain’t kidding!), and a director who knows how to mix up freaks like these into a lean and mean entertainment machine. So why isn’t it the greatest thing since the birth of black Jesus back in ’89?

 

Smarts

50%

The film opens with an extended flashback to 1944, as a group of Nazi paranormal researchers use the latest in demon-portal technology to open a rift to outer space and summon the Seven Gods of Chaos™, ancient squid-like beings encased in a gigantic crystal asteroid. Their attempt is thwarted by an intrepid group of British commandos and Allied occult expert Professor Bruttenholm (John Hurt), but not before a baby demon manages to cross over and enter our world. Apparently undaunted by its gigantic stone arm and dark-red Cabernet-Sauvignon complexion, the good Professor adopts the devil-child of hell and raises him as his own.

Flash-forward to the present: Professor Bruttenholm leads the ultra-secret Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense, a government organization tasked with thwarting the weekly supernatural attempts at destroying the world. The first and most useful of his grunts is his own adopted demon son, Hellboy (Ron Perlman), now armed with big guns and a dry wit. Minutes into the film, they (and we) learn that the same evil-doers who tried to destroy the world in 1944 are back, preparing to set forth a web of plot points and action scenes that will span the entire running time of the film.

On paper, the story sounds great: it’s replete with colorful characters, over-the-top plot points, and a pulpy, loose mentality that’s a refreshing change of pace from the portentous tone most comic-book adaptations adopt nowadays. Problem is, the script is rather less than satisfying. For one, Del Toro seems to think that this comic-book mentality excuses him from imbuing his storyline and characters with even the most basic believability and logic. On one hand, the destroy-the-world plotline is at once needlessly convoluted and threadbare, and its progression is stilted and clumsy; on the other, the villains lack both personality and credulity: not only are they one-dimensional at best, but even that one dimension is flimsy and laughable.

Oddly enough, the few development scenes that truly work are the lower-key ones, detailing the relationships between the good guys. Del Toro directs them with understated matter-of-factness, and thus lends them earnestness, gentle humor, and a surprising (if slight) emotional heft. Had more of the film hit this balance, this review would have had a considerably different tone.

 

Popcorn

60%

Script problems, shmlipt problems, you’re saying – what about the freakin’ action scenes? Well, you better sit down for this, Pepe, because the news isn’t good.

Well, that’s not entirely fair. The first action scene, a ‘round-the-city fight between the titular character and a squid-hound demon resurrected by the ever-so-helpful Nazi antagonists, is loose, brawny, and altogether satisfying. The problem occurs when one realizes that the second, third, and fourth action scenes are essentially the same damn fight all over again. That’s right – instead of bringing in new enemies or having the actual antagonists fight the protagonists, Del Toro chooses to delect us with scene after scene of Hellboy and Co. fighting slimy squid-hounds of hell in sewers, dark alleys, and ominous Russian underground lairs. The only slight (but oh-so-welcome) variation on this increasingly mundane theme is the occasional appearance of the ultra-cool gas-mask-wearing, 100-year-old Nazi ninja assassin with a gear-mechanism heart and a addiction to self-mutilating surgery I mentioned in my introduction, but these moments are much too short to compensate.

The fights also suffer from that dreaded foe of gritty action films everywhere: The Overuse of CG Fiend. Whereas veteran directors like James Cameron and Peter Jackson know how to rein in their special effects and craft unique action scenes, Del Toro abides by the “if less is more, just imagine how much more more is” school of filmmaking and makes use of CG in practically every set-piece. This unfortunate fact, coupled with the essentially one-note quality of the action, only adds to the increasingly mundane nature of the confrontations.

Thankfully, however, there is one element which manages to infuse some measure of life and spark into each and every single scene: Ron Perlman’s performance as Hellboy. This veteran character actor, too long relegated to supporting roles and voice-over work, shines as the dry, gruff, gravel-voiced demon, overcoming his make-up to create a character both sincere and likeable. Without his presence, I daresay this film would not have worked at all. Thankfully, he’s also backed by a solid cast with which to interact, including Selma Blair as the incandescent woman who ignites fiery passions in Hellboy’s inflamed imagination (okay, I’ll stop), Doug Jones and the voice of David Hyde Pierce as Hellboy’s aquatic, telepathic sidekick Abe Sapien, and newcomer Rupert Evans as goody-two-shoes Agent John Myers.

 

Final

It’s too bad that Del Toro missed by such a considerable margin on both the screenplay and directorial ends, because Hellboy should have been a contender. Its unique premise, solid cast, and talented crew had the potential to make it stand out in an increasingly crowded sea of comic-book adaptations. As such, in spite of this first installment’s lackluster quality, I do hope a sequel’s on the way. The source material, the cast, and the crew deserve better than this.