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Fantastic Four, The (1994)

0 minutes

Directed by Oley Sassone
Written by Craig J. Nevius, Kevin Rock, Stan Lee (characters), Jack Kirby (characters)

Starring
 · Alex Hyde-White
 · Rebecca Staab
 · Michael Bailey Smith
 · Jay Underwood
 · Joseph Culp


Review by Zac

I'm sure not many have seen The Fantastic Four movie, and might I say, be glad you haven't. Of course, myself, being a comic book fan, much wanted to see this film, so I had a good friend of mine send me a copy. Though, I'm not sure now how good a friend he is, because I almost shot myself.

 

Smarts

 
 20%

What makes the least sense about The Fantastic Four is why on God's sweet Earth it was even filmed. The Fantastic Four have the capability to be made into a quality film but this? I think this could've been a good script at once that someone eventually threw-up on and no one bothered to clean up.

Everyone knows the origin of the Fantastic Four (and if you don't, in a nutshell, they were a group of four friends who decided to fly into space, were bombarded with cosmic radiation, crash landed back on earth and had fantastic powers, which they use to fight crime), and I must say that this film DOES portray their origin quite well. However, it stayed too comic booky and couldn't make you believe any of this would actually happen. From the beginning of the movie, one will realize the suckfest it's doomed to become, for it starts off with Reed Richards (Mr. Fantastic) and college friend Victor (Dr. Doom) designing a machine to harness the energy of a comet named 'Colossus'. When they actually attempt all this and everything goes wrong with Victor winding up presumably dead, one heckuva piece of crap is soon to follow.

We skip ahead ten years, Reed has not changed in the least (aside from his hair greying on the sides, even though he should only be about 35), and he visits his old pal Ben Grimm (The Thing) who is conveinantly a pilot and asks him to join him on a space flight to once again, attempt to harness the energy of Colossus. Reed invites his friends Sue (Invisible Woman) and Johnny Storm (Human Torch) along for no apparent reason, and off they go.

Oh, did I mention that the space ship Reed built is powered by a very expensive crystal that sits on a podium and does nothing? Yep. I don't want to spoil anything, but as you can probably figure, it gets stolen and replaced with a fake, which ultimatly leads to the space accident.

 

Popcorn

 
 24%

I'm not sure where to even begin rating the Popcorn side of The Fantastic Four. First I will describe how each character's power was provided in the film:

Mr. Fantastic's stretching ability was portrayed by putting cloth over assorted props (I'm sure a pool noodle was used in one scene). Thankfully, the scene that made me want to vomit in a hideous rage was at the very end of the movie (Reed and Sue get married, and Reed's "arm" sticks out of the sunroof of a limosine and waves goodbye to the gathered crowd.).

The Invisble Woman was obviously created by using the old split-screen routine where the actress would stand on the set, then the empty set would be filmed, and the technicians would just slowly erase her from any direction they wanted.

The rocky, clobberin' Thing probably had the best effects in this movie (and that's really not saying much). His costume looked nice in some lights, but when he moved and you realized it was simply a rubber suit, he quickly became an orange Ninja Turtle with a skin condition.

Bad acting aside, the Human Torch sucked. One scene where his hand is one fire, is probably the best scene (effects-wise) in the whole movie. However, near the end, when Johnny Storm ignites his full body and takes flight as the Human Torch, many people I'm sure have to check their VCR to make sure they haven't somehow, mistakenly recorded some 40's sci-fi cartoon. It's that bad.

 

Final

DO NOT, and I repeat, DO NOT waste your time trying to track down a copy of this piece of garbage. A 2 year-old could make a better film with the neighbor's dog and a polaroid camera. The only thing you could gain from watching this movie, would be an appreciation for every other movie out there, which, isn't a BAD thing, but it's certainly not worth the pain you would endure, should you see The Fantastic Four.


726 Words Published: 17 December 2002

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