Longest Yard, The (2005)

A remake of the 1974 Burt Reynolds movie, The Longest Yard tries to pull you in so fast that it just slows itself down from the exertion. Its pacing makes the film lose its edge as a sport comedy. This is the third movie that Adam Sandler has had a big sports role in. The first being his famous Happy Gilmore, the second was The Waterboy where he also played a football player, and now The Longest Yard. The Longest Yard is without a doubt the weakest of all three. After hearing some negative reviews about the film I wasn’t expecting very much going into the movie. I came out feeling the same way as I did when I went in.

 

Smarts

37%

At the beginning of the film, all the audience gets is Courtney Cox screaming and cursing, which is not exactly a stellar way to start out a movie.  When Adam Sandler goes for a drive to get away from her tirade, he brings his beers with him. During this whole opening segment there are some funny lines between him and two cops but that's about it. After crashing Cox's sports car, Paul finds himself on his way to a Texas prison to serve time for his drunken crimes. There, the warden asks him if he can lead a team of inmates to play football against his guards. From this point onward, all we really get throughout the movie is Paul trying to find players that can actually play ball, and then practicing with his team to get ready to play the big game. Nate Scarborough, a former Heisman Trophy winner played by the original film's star, Burt Reynolds, helps Paul out as an assistant coach and has a fairly meaty part all things considered. Finally the big game comes up. Just like any other sports underdog movie, the game goes back and forth until the final seconds. Of course, the tension is at least still there, since there are enough films in the backlog of sports cinema where the little guys wind up losing as a heartbreaking twist so due to the events of the film the audience really doesn't quite know how events will really transpire.

Sandler's performance in the lead role manages to be pretty much what we've come to expect from the man. It's not like that is a bad thing, per se, as he is the only one who actually plays a part well, but the only real bit of acting that Sandler does is in the opening of the film, while his character is heavily intoxicated. He and Chris Rock are just wasted here. Rock plays Caretaker, a pal to all of the inmates whether they return the kindness or not. He is the only one that treats Paul with any respect when he first comes to the prison. He gives him some brief bios of fellow prisoners; one of particular note was the quite funny Cheeseburger Eddy, who is played by Terry Crews. He always seems to have a cheeseburger or nugget of food with him at all times. Also in the film is rap star Nelly, he plays the fast running back for the Mean Machines.

There is a jarring moment in the film involving Caretaker that resonated rather awkwardly for me in a comedy of this sort.  He dies rather abruptly and unexpectedly and while he goes out in a "bang", that's purely literal and there was little weight to the incident.  The funeral contained a few minor laughs even they felt misplaces, as when Eddy puts an apple pie on Caretaker's coffin.

Sandler's presence in The Longest Yard is much less unexpected. Out of the seven movies that Peter Segal has directed, Adam Sandler has found his way into three of them. Out of those three movies (50 First Dates, Anger Management alongside this one), this is Peters worst. He doesn’t know how to lead a cast. He just lets them roam around and do their own thing to wildly varying results. The movie goes from scene to scene not explaining much of its actions. If this movie was released with all of the useless scenes chopped out, it could have been a lean running time of 1 hour and 10 minutes. There was really no need for the many dead-end roads Segal leads the film down. There was really no need for this.

 

Popcorn

48%

Out of the few aspects that were done with a hint of accomplishment, it is the sports scenes that are most favorable. This is the facet they should have really focused on and it seems that they did to a passing degree. All the passes look clean, and you cannot tell whether they are the stunt doubles or the regular actors making plays and taking hits. Even during the practice scenes there is a level of fun to the film in the football at least. I couldn’t really imagine Adam Sandler leading a football team and being a quarterback, but I suppose that kind of suspension of disbelief is what movies are about. I can put stock in people being able to do things that they have never thought of doing, or at least try. As the final game unfolds, the touch-and-go quality of the matchup is nicely done; it's a sport lovers dream to watch this kind of stuff. There is a visceral pleasure one gets from watching huge guys hammer into other huge guys; a slightly more civilized and appreciable display of violence you might say.

 

Final

If you are going into The Longest Yard looking for a fun Friday night movie, there's a good chance you won't be disappointed. Let it be known, however, that all of the performances are sub par and do nothing for the audience, the film is overly long, and you get too many unnecessary scenes added into the final cut. Even Burt Reynolds can't save this movie from its own lackluster quality. This was a remake need never have been made. It is too bad that it had to fall so short of the goal line.